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no2,102 retweets 2,221 favorites
i just talked to all of my celeb friends on this site and they told me that the blue checkmark is good to have. personally, i believe them.,148 retweets 563 favorites
please help me to obtain my fair share of royalties from the video " caterwauling jack ass shot with cannon '", which is now viral with hits106 retweets 410 favorites
another stir-up at the office when relatably handsome professional refuses to remove sticker from khakis that says "my other pants is jeans"386 retweets 1,096 favorites
pplease remember to turn your location on so the buffoons on this web site can have an easier time finding you, for whatever horrible reason651 retweets 1,306 favorites
the american sniper murders 8 people with one bullet 2000miles away from a beach chair in hawaii, winks at the camera and says "Its A Livin"950 retweets 2,347 favorites
4k tech will enable the viewer to see my dick hole fully accentuated through my jeans as the media hunts me down in a carrabba`s parking lot241 retweets 935 favorites
5 bucks will get you 1 minue access to the "Peck cam" where you can watch all sorts of wild birds peck me while i force myself not to resist658 retweets 1,514 favorites
people enjoying a meal outdoors., disgusting. horrible. inadvisable753 retweets 1,481 favorites
*steps up to mic; booed immediately* geico commericals are tthis generation's pink floyd **boos get louder** can anyone help me find my car1,263 retweets 3,012 favorites
everyones always using selfie sticks these days instead of attending lectures about string theory and shit and im so mad i could crank off1,166 retweets 2,465 favorites
someone please verify rumor that petsmart is turning all animals loose (lizards snakes rats dogs) because of the scoundrel obama care646 retweets 1,552 favorites
im pretty sure the neightbors can hear my keyboard clicking at 4am and thats why they throw chemicals at me1,002 retweets 2,070 favorites
truthfully, i do believe that, now thatm the gas prices are low, i think that theres going to be a lot less BULL S#!T on the commute !!117 retweets 502 favorites
id love to be 1 of those purple espn guys who puts boulders on descending columns but id probly get all sorts of penut gallery comments here89 retweets 445 favorites
jack`s off to the super bowl for business, jack`s off to the bitter beer face commercials for pleasure111 retweets 471 favorites
im sorry for getting bonnaroo 2015 cancelled b/c i used the hashtag to ask ppl to put teeth in my ass. but im Not sorry for defeating trolls309 retweets 977 favorites
WOw. Sorry. Like i give a shit. Wiseguys on here373 retweets 695 favorites
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