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2,102 retweets 2,221 favoritesi just talked to all of my celeb friends on this site and they told me that the blue checkmark is good to have. personally, i believe them.,
148 retweets 563 favoritesplease help me to obtain my fair share of royalties from the video " caterwauling jack ass shot with cannon '", which is now viral with hits
106 retweets 410 favorites
another stir-up at the office when relatably handsome professional refuses to remove sticker from khakis that says "my other pants is jeans"
386 retweets 1,096 favoritespplease remember to turn your location on so the buffoons on this web site can have an easier time finding you, for whatever horrible reason
651 retweets 1,306 favoritesthe american sniper murders 8 people with one bullet 2000miles away from a beach chair in hawaii, winks at the camera and says "Its A Livin"
950 retweets 2,347 favorites4k tech will enable the viewer to see my dick hole fully accentuated through my jeans as the media hunts me down in a carrabba`s parking lot
241 retweets 935 favorites5 bucks will get you 1 minue access to the "Peck cam" where you can watch all sorts of wild birds peck me while i force myself not to resist
658 retweets 1,514 favoritespeople enjoying a meal outdoors., disgusting. horrible. inadvisable
753 retweets 1,481 favorites*steps up to mic; booed immediately* geico commericals are tthis generation's pink floyd **boos get louder** can anyone help me find my car
1,263 retweets 3,012 favoriteseveryones always using selfie sticks these days instead of attending lectures about string theory and shit and im so mad i could crank off
1,166 retweets 2,465 favoriteswow theyrre releasing more of these already pic.twitter.com/m8INRDahRZ
get the fuck out tof there!! get the fuck out of there you god damn idiot!! asshole!! i need that oil!! i need oil!! pic.twitter.com/EafCpVBEY9
someone please verify rumor that petsmart is turning all animals loose (lizards snakes rats dogs) because of the scoundrel obama care
646 retweets 1,552 favoritesim pretty sure the neightbors can hear my keyboard clicking at 4am and thats why they throw chemicals at me
1,002 retweets 2,070 favoritestruthfully, i do believe that, now thatm the gas prices are low, i think that theres going to be a lot less BULL S#!T on the commute !!
117 retweets 502 favoritesid love to be 1 of those purple espn guys who puts boulders on descending columns but id probly get all sorts of penut gallery comments here
89 retweets 445 favoritesjack`s off to the super bowl for business, jack`s off to the bitter beer face commercials for pleasure
111 retweets 471 favoritesim sorry for getting bonnaroo 2015 cancelled b/c i used the hashtag to ask ppl to put teeth in my ass. but im Not sorry for defeating trolls
309 retweets 977 favoritesWOw. Sorry. Like i give a shit. Wiseguys on here
373 retweets 695 favoritesTwitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup.
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